王学仲简介字画:帮我改一下错吧,语法,时态....
Last month, Toby had a birthday party. His parents gave him a present. It was a mobile phone. Toby liked it very much.
Toby thought the mobile phone could help him communicate better with other people. He could use it when he was in trouble or he had something to tell somebody.
At first, Toby only used it to call his parents. A few weeks later, he found out that the phone had many games. And also, he could send short messages to people. He think this mobile phone was so nice.
One day evening, Toby received a short message from a strange person. It said: " Hello! Are you a boy or a girl ? Ha, you are a lucky person. My name is Jay. Do you know me ? I am very famous. I want to make a friend with you! " Toby was surprised, he liked Jay very much. He is Jay’s fan. So, he wrote a short message quickly. All the evening Toby wrote short messages. He didn’t do his homework. He was excited and very happy. the next day, when he was in calss, every student listened to the teacher carefully, but Toby didn’t. He still sent short messages to “Jay” .
So,Toby played with the mobile phone every day. He cound not control himself.
This week, Toby had an English test on Monday. He didn’t do the test well, because he never listened to the teacher these days. He only got 51 marks.
After school, when Toby went home . He took out the mobile phone and gave it back to his father and said: “Dad, I’m really sorry. This mobile phone makes my grades really bad. So I decide to give it back to you.” Toby’s father was sad and said: “This is a terrible present. I shouldn’t give you, but I’m really glad, because you know to give it back to me. As for your study, you should work harder and improve your English.” “Yes, dad. I will do my best to study!” Toby said.
It was a terrible gift, however, it made Toby learn a lot.
第七行:think → thought
第八行:去掉 day;strange person → stranger
第十行:a friend → friends;surprised 后的逗号改为句号
第十一行:is → was;wrote → typed;all the evening → the whole evening
第十六行:do → take
第十八行:went → got;home 后的句号改为逗号
第十九、二十行:冒号改为逗号
第二十二行:and improve 改为 to improve 可能更好一点
第二十三行:to study → in studying
最后一行:however 前的逗号应改为句号
注:阁下的某些单词拼错了,估计应该可以察觉,在下在此不提了。如有意见可提出。
这么长!短一点不行吗?!看都看晕了
第3段found out好象应该去掉 out
think 应该是thought
One day evening-->In one day evening
He is Jay’s fan-->He is one of Jay's fans
played with -->play
give you-->give it to you
because you know 去掉know
小小意见,仅供参考
Toby’s birthday present
Last month, Toby had a birthday party. His parents gave him a present. It was a mobile phone. Toby liked it very much.
Toby thought the mobile phone can help him communicate with other people more conveniently. He can use it when he is in trouble or he have something to tell .
At first, Toby only use it to make phone calls to his parents. A few weeks later, he found out that there are many games installed in the mobile phone. And also, he can send short messages to others. He can’t belive that the mobile phone was so wonderful. One day, Toby received a short message from a stranger. It said: " Hello! Are you a boy or a girl ? Ha, you are a lucky person. My name is Jay. Do you know about me ? I am very famous. I want to make a friend with you! " Toby was surprised, he liked Jay very much. He was one of Jay’s fans. So, he reply a short message quickly. All the evening Toby did nothing but send short messages. He didn’t do his homework,either. He was excited and very happy. Next day, when he was in calss,while every students was listening to the teacher carefully, Toby didn’t. He was still sending short messages to “Jay” .
So,day by day,Toby played with the mobile phone all the time. He can’t control himself and He didn’t do his homework well.what's worse,he no longer spend time on his books. He enjoyed playing the mobile phone and forget everything else.
This week, Toby had an English test on Monday. He didn’t do the test well, because he never listens to the teacher these days. He only got 51 marks.
After school, when Toby got to home . He took out the mobile phone and gave it back to his father and said: “Dad, I’m really sorry. This mobile phone had a bad effect on me. So I decide to gave it back to you.” Toby’s father was sad and said: “This was a terrible present. I shouldn’t have given you, but at least, I’m glad that you know you should gave it back to me in the end. As is for your study, you should work harder and improve your English.” “Yes, dad. I will do my best ” Toby said.
It was a terrible gift, however, it made Toby learn a lot.